Discover the difference between self compassion vs self pity and how choosing self-compassion helps you heal.
Lately, on my mind-body healing journey, I’ve noticed some deep, uncomfortable emotions rising to the surface. This is a natural part of the healing process, completely normal. Welcoming what we feel is one of the keys to healing, especially if we have chronic symptoms.
Over the years, through many programs and teachers, I’ve learned that true healing happens when we allow ourselves to feel everything without judgment — to meet our emotions with love instead of resistance. That’s where self-compassion begins, and where self-pity gently falls away.
Recently, I had one of those days when some heavy emotions lingered. I thought I was being kind to myself but I couldn’t quite shake it off, and then I realized — I wasn’t just feeling sad, I was feeling sorry for myself. I had slipped into seeing myself as a victim of my emotions and my past. Then it hit me: what I was really experiencing wasn’t self-compassion, it was self-pity. I was judging myself, telling myself I am not good, feeling sorry for myself. That awareness changed everything.
The difference between self-pity and self-love is subtle but powerful. I realized the feeling of self-pity was keeping me stuck.
Self pity focuses on what’s wrong, replaying old stories and reinforcing the belief that life is happening to us. Self-love, on the other hand, invites understanding and softness.
Self-compassion is the practice of being kind and loving toward myself.
When we love ourselves in the midst of the really tough feelings that come up, we get to feel our adult and divine self caring for that little one who has felt so lost. I tell myself:
“I am not being punished. I love you and we are finding our way together”.
Instead of falling into the “poor me” energy where I think I’m being kind but instead I feel powerless, I pause and acknowledge how difficult these feelings are. I gently remind myself:
“I am here for you. I love you. It’s okay to feel this way. You are not alone.”
When painful memories or emotions surface, I let them come up and speak to myself with tenderness:
“Yes, these experiences have been painful, and bringing them up isn’t easy. But I love you, and we will be okay. These are parts of me that coming up because they need my loving attention.”
And when self-blame or fear tries to take over, I breathe, allow myself to feel what I feel and whisper:
“These feelings and experiences have nothing to do with being bad or not good enough. I am not being punished. I love you, and we are finding our way together.”
🌿 Deepening Your Practice
I’ve been noticing how different life feels when I meet myself with self-compassion instead of self-pity. To help you experience this shift for yourself, I’ve included two beautiful guided meditations that nurture a compassionate heart:
1. A Self-Compassion Break by Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research. This short, soothing practice helps you pause in moments of struggle and offer yourself the same warmth and understanding you’d extend to a dear friend.
2. The RAIN of Self-Compassion by Tara Brach, a beloved mindfulness teacher. RAIN stands for Recognize, Allow, Investigate, and Nurture. This powerful yet tender meditation teaches you how to meet your feelings with awareness and care.
🌸 “Each time you turn toward yourself with love, you heal a little more deeply.”
These meditations invite you to slow down, breathe, and reconnect with the steady kindness that lives inside you.
When we slip into self-pity, we abandon ourselves — feeling helpless, hopeless, and separate. But when we offer ourselves compassion, we reclaim our power. We take responsibility for nurturing the parts within us that are suffering and bring them the love they’ve been longing for.
Each time we do this, our heart opens a little wider. We wrap ourselves in a warm, healing blanket of love that restores resilience and trust. In that space of gentleness, we reconnect with the wisdom that lives within and all around us. Choosing kindness toward ourselves opens the door to love, guidance, and the quiet strength of Spirit.
When you meet yourself with kindness instead of judgment, you create space for healing. Be patient. Keep practicing. Little by little, love will soften everything that hurts.
đź’— I hope this post inspires you be kind to yourself and remember how worthy you are of your own compassion.
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